Monthly Archives: August 2015
Ya’ll know I have a day job and a very long commute, for the past 3 years. On Tuesday, my train was delayed. Arg! Irritated! It happens a lot! Then found out someone had jumped in front of it (again). My soul sunk and my edge softened.
Shift in perspective. While I felt a sting in my heart, I also took immediate action. I bolted from the train station to catch the bus instead – because I needed to get home. I was literally sprinting across San Francisco (heart burning, legs like noodles, sweat dripping between boobs, shoulder cramping from my purse with laptop) and I made it on time! As I saw the bus pulling out, I waved my arms for the bus to wait, but the bus driver waved a finger at me – the bus was too full. And it left. By now I knew it would take me 2.5-3 hours to get home. Sweaty, out of breath, defeated. F. 2-3 hours…
So many were stranded and heading to the bus and I said to the woman behind me, “Well, it sucks, but someone jumped…so I think there are other people having a much worse night than we are.” And she said, “Yeah, perspective.” With tears in my eyes (out of sadness for them and heart-rocking gratitude for what I have), I ran a list of gratitude for everything in my life and sent a big blessing to all those in pain.
Another shift in perspective. At the same time, a co-worker was complaining on FB about the train and commute. I let her know it was because someone had jumped…to try and help her perspective too. She said I was a better person than she was and that she was not sympathetic to someone who jumps during rush hour and makes her miss time with her kids. Hm. Different perspective and clearly she was pissed. I was no longer upset. I wondered how my shift in perspective actually benefited my mind and body by reducing the stress I felt. And wondered if and for how long her stress levels stayed escalated. Perspective shift: I remain peaceful and therefore more healthy.
So yesterday, the train was delayed AGAIN due to police activity (omg, what is the lesson?!). As my head filled with all the reasons why I hate the commute and all the things it takes away from me, I crammed like a sardine into the train. My gray Target t-shirt showed my sweat rings under my pits and sweat soaking in the front of my shirt. F this. I was so mad. But I was glad I was wearing sneakers.
At the train station transfer, there was a super long line again, my saving grace mantra often is, “20 more minutes, only 20 more minutes..I can do this. It’s a blip on the radar.” When I crammed on the 2nd train, I saw a woman I used to ride with years ago. She is in a wheelchair and doesn’t have any arms or legs. Perspective shift: I am awashed with gratitude, peace and admiration. I’ve always admired her style as she looks so put together all the time wearing beautiful blouses and skirts. She carries a slight smile and her hair is a sassy-red color. Her comment yesterday to someone was, “It’s definitely more crowded than usual.” and then she shrugged and smiled. I smiled. She had a lightness I did not have, but she rubbed off on me. I wear a gray Target t-shirt (to work! And no I don’t work at a gym) while this woman dresses like she cares. Perspective shift: Make the most of what I have and SHOW it.
At that moment, a nice guy offered me a seat. I asked if he was sure and he said he had been sitting all day. I thanked him. Perspective shift: People give gifts just at the right time, I always have a net. Always. I sat down and got tears in my eyes. Tears because I was so tired. Tears because I hate my commute. Tears because if I had my commuting time back, I could do more with Ayurveda — I feel blocked in so many ways. Tears because I was disappointed in my bad attitude while this woman just presses on with grace, successfully. Tears out of admiration for her — she clearly faces many more obstacles each day than I do — yet she rocks it. I wondered if she ever complained. I wondered what the hell I had to complain about. I felt icky and ashamed about my trivial irritations. Yet, I have a right to feel how I’m going to feel. And sometimes two bad commutes in a week puts us over the edge.
I got home and cried while hugging my husband. So many things running through my head and the biggest is: GET YOUR BOOK DONE, MONICA. YOU HAVE A BIG JOB TO DO IN AYURVEDA. THE WORLD NEEDS THIS GIFT. SHOW IT. We are finessing final details now…and yes it’s taking a little longer. But I want it to shine like that woman on the train and not settle for a gray t-shirt. If it takes me a few minutes longer to do it, I will. Love you, Monica B.
Gah! Sooooo…you know babies? Like when they go through the birth canal? *squish* *ouch* That’s me. Today, this week, all week. I’ve been working so dang hard — and the end is close. Which means the BEGINNING is close! I’ve been staying up until midnight and sometimes 2am for the past few weeks after work to get this thing done. My head feels squished, I’m fuzzy eye-d and my shoulders hurt. My head and face hurts. Then I got sick. HA! Wonder why that happened? Der. *squish* *ouch*
Add to that (many of you will appreciate this), I am in transition at my job-job and have a new manager starting with my team. Her first day was Monday and on Monday two of my staff members resigned. HA! Really? Not only did I feel bad for her but I felt side-swiped with the plan I had worked so hard to create *squish* *ouch*
But you know what comes AFTER the canal? FRICKIN’ BIRTH!!!!!! And THAT is AMAZING! A TRUE MIRACLE! A pure beginning, a fresh start. AND I AM SO READY!!!
I’m almost out of this canal – and hey, it’s the shortest part of birth, so that’ good news.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?! For any of you going through a transition, take note: are you in the canal? If you are, YAY! It’s *squish* *ouch* but that means you are about to be BORN with something NEW!
HOORAY for birth canals! Push on through. You can’t turn around…going back “in there” is too small and you have to GET OUT to grow!!! I would love to hear your canal stories so that others can be inspired to keep going. A funny story, I was on a call with my manager yesterday and my earring popped out on the table. I was like, “Whoa stuff is starting to fall out of me! It’s cause I’m in the canal and stuff falls out of the canal! And then we cracked up.
BOOK IS BELOW!!! It is written, edited, Ayurvedically edited, proofed, and designed. All backend stuff to complete now: upload to Amazon, set up my e-store, figure out a shopping cart on my page (I have no clue), and set up an online LAUNCH PARTY!!!
Almost done! *squish* *ouch* But it’s about to get REAL AWE-some!!!